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Posts Tagged ‘healing’


The Second Pandemic: PTSD

Posted on: by Susan

 

It has been a little over one year since COVID 19 made its world debut. In that time we have all seen reports of horrendous deaths from the disease, the toll it has taken on our healthcare professionals and the tremendous changes it has brought to every society in the world:

  • constant mask wearing
  • hypervigilance around health and contagion
  • decreased movement around our communities and world
  • elimination of cultural group activities from rock concerts to political events to pubs
  • the constant background fear of death or long term disability

In addition to these profoundly stressful changes in our lives, we have seen brutal killings on live TV by people who are supposed to protect us, as well as by mass murderers; social and political uprisings, the polarization of politics and the death of cooperation between political parties. These changes have left people all over the world uncertain about their future, about their safety, and about their financial survival. 

Many people understand that they are chronically traumatized. And many deny that these events affect them, even while acting out their fears and angers on their loved ones and those around them (itself a trauma symptom).

In the current Diagnostics and Statistical Manual on PTSD we have a list of criteria that apply to our collective experience of COVID and mass unrest. I have paraphrased some of these criteria; the ones that are verbatim from the DSM are in quotes.

1. “Exposure to actual or threatened death” by one of these four means: “directly experience the traumatic event(s)”, “witnessing in person, the traumatic event(s) as it occurred to to others, “learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or friend, and/or experiencing repeated or “extreme exposure to aversive details about the event(s)” as part of one’s work. 

Check. We would have to be very isolated indeed to not have experienced at least one of these criteria. As for the fourth criteria, that is officially listed as being “part of one’s work”, I disagree as a trauma therapist. Exposure is exposure. Just because the DSM says your exposure doesn’t count because you were not ‘on the job’ doesn’t mean that you were not traumatized. There is research showing that repeated viewings of traumas on TV or other media create a trauma response in viewers. I believe this criteria may be changed in future versions of the DSM.

2. Presence of one or more of these disturbing intrusive symptoms: uncontrollable recurrent memories and perseverations around the event(s); nightmares related to either the content of the event or the emotions around the event (loss, sickness, contagion, fear of the future etc.); flashbacks, or other dissociative reactions around the event(s), which for children can include repetitive play of the trauma or event; “intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal [your own memories] or external [in the environment] that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

Translation: You cannot stop thinking about COVID, COVID related losses (school, travel, etc.) or other traumatic events related to COVID or social unrest. You cannot stop the feels that keep coming, and you feel depleted because of this. It is hard to focus on daily routines and feel ‘normal’ again. You may take extraordinary precautions that are not strictly necessary or none at all as a rebellion to these feelings.  You may have insomnia as the mind unconsciously avoids dream content related to COVID or social unrest and pops us out of sleep as we approach REM phase, where memories are processed.

3. Avoiding anything that reminds you of the traumatic event(s) in one or two of these ways: “Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about  or closely associated with the traumatic event(s) and/or “ [making] efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations,  activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)”. 

In other words, you don’t want to think about it and you don’t want to talk about it anymore. Even reading this blog may be a trigger. (Did you make it this far?) You may avoid shows about: illness, contagion, disasters etc. that you previously enjoyed. Or you may avoid discussing COVID with friends and family, or avoid talking about your feelings about it. Denial is another way our minds practice PTSD-related  avoidance. We may minimize COVID or say we are not at risk, or refuse to take precautionary measures. All of these are trauma responses, in other words,  our mind unconsciously and automatically protects us through avoidance.

Some of these behaviors make other people very angry and are themselves a stimulation of the trauma. You may be very reactive to people who minimize the risk of COVID to themselves and others. Both of these reactions are traumatic in nature. We do not, necessarily, choose our defense (which is a whole other blog topic). Some people intellectualize and want to learn everything about the event; others want to know nothing or deny reality. Both groups are avoiding their feelings, although intellectualization is preferable to denial. Avoiding feelings, in general, is a traumatic response, as well as a cultural one (some cultures value feelings more than others). 

4.  Negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), as evidenced by two (or  more) of the following: 

  • Loss of memory around the event(s) [one of the more extreme reactions]
  • “Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world”
  • “Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic  event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.”
  • “Persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame).”  
  • “ Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.”  
  • “Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.”  
  • “ Persistent inability to experience positive emotions (e.g., inability to experience  happiness, satisfaction, or loving feelings).” 

What strikes me about this section is how real it is socially, except for the loss of memory bit. 

(Also how much the word “persistent” is used.)

 “Persistent exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others or the world” Check.

“…lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others”

Check.

“Persistant negative emotional state”

Check. It’s like a nightmare we cannot get out of, which then becomes a trigger for all of our other unresolved traumas from this (and other, if you believe in that) lifetimes.

“Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities”. 

Check. But in a weird way. COVID prevents us from participation and maintaining interest. Double check.

“Persistent inability to experience positive emotions”. 

Check and Checkmate. We all feel depressed. We are all grieving. It is hard enough to maintain hope in the persistence of COVID, never mind the persistence of our collective trauma around COVID. Ugh.

5. Unpleasant behavioral changes as a result of the event that include two or more of the following: Insomnia or other sleep disturbance, inappropriate emotional outbursts that are out of character, hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response, and/or difficulty focusing and/or concentrating. 

Well, yes. Most of these for most folks. One only has to venture online to see the reactivity happening. Nearly everyone I know either as a friend or patient has struggled with sleep this year. You can check in with yourself as to whether you are still washing your hands 10 times/day or wearing your mask when you really do not need to (hypervigilance), or if you jump when someone comes up behind you unexpectedly. 

Many people came into this period of time with PTSD, either diagnosed or not. They have been suffering tremendously because their systems were already sensitive to traumatic stress. The rest of humanity may now suffer some level of PTSD. I say “level” because although PTSD is by definition a very unpleasant condition, it can have levels of severity beyond baseline. If you are having dissociative symptoms such as depersonalization (“feeling as though one were in a dream; feeling a sense of unreality of self or body  or of time moving slowly”)  or derealization (the world around you feels “unreal, dreamlike, distant,  or distorted”) you may have a more severe situation that needs attention. Technically it is called PTSD with dissociative symptoms. 

Oh yes. And these symptoms need to have gone on for more than one month. 

Check.

Please, dear reader, remember: I would not write this blog if I did not feel you or your loved ones could be helped. There are many resources available to help you heal from PTSD. My book, The Trauma Tool Kit: Healing PTSD From the Inside Out is available in libraries all over the world, and has a rating of 4.6/5 stars on Amazon where it is available on Kindle and Audible (in my own voice).

Be well and stay safe, Susan PB

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5 E-Kindle Book 5th Edition (p. 308). Indephent. Kindle Edition. 



Rebirth in the Desert

Posted on: by Susan

Last week I had the opportunity to visit Death Valley National Park, which is in the midst of what is called a ‘superbloom’. The massive rains of El Nino sparked an intense blossoming of dozens of desert flowers and plants.

Usually Death Valley is barren. Temperatures can range up to 135 degrees Fahrenheit. People die there every year, and the park is littered with signs about safety precautions, keeping hydrated and basic survival. Large swaths of the park look like another planet, desolate, sun-scorched and windswept. It usually does not look like anything could live there.

So, it was a lot to take in when I got there. Even though it was past peak, desert gold flowers desert gold sunsetstill bloomed across much of the valley creating a thin golden patina over the desert. Upon closer inspection there were dozens of other plants with tiny, beautiful blooms opening wide for their brief life. Signs of life abounded: a caterpillar on a stalk, a ladybug nearby, sweat bees on a desert bush, raptors and ravens overhead, a burro herd, and hoofprints of the elusive big-horned sheep.

The blooming desert struck me as a perfect metaphor for the resilience of the human spirit. It is possible to go from the scorched earth condition of trauma to rainbows of flowers. It is inevitable.

Even when it feels like we have nothing left, there is never nothing there. There are always seeds. Seeds of happiness, seeds of love, seeds of passion, seeds of creativity, of joy, connection, of LIFE. The seeds are always there. And those seeds bloom. Every once in a while. When the conditions are right.



Knowledgeable Words in a Time of Chaos and Donald Trump

Posted on: by Susan

Today’s blog answers the question “Why I Blog”, 2016. As the New Year crashes into us I am reviewing my mission, my efficacy and I am finding my passion to help make a difference in the lives of those with PTSD is stronger than ever before.

In the media today, everyone thinks they are an expert. That goes double for politicians. 2016 is the run-up to arguably one of the most important elections in the history of this country due to so many large factors hanging in the balance: the economy, the climate of our planet, social unrest. It seems that everyone in media has their two cents to contribute, but, sadly, many opinions are completely uninformed by professionals.

Empathy, courtesy, caring are values that seem to get lost in election season. Why is this important to those of us that have suffered from PTSD?

PTSD is a disorder that grows and multiplies through lack of caring. When there is a disaster, we know that we need to respond as soon as possible. When, as in Hurricane Katrina, that caring does not happen or is replaced with abuses, people’s suffering is magnified tremendously.

My mission is to increase the amount of empathy and caring in the world (by however small a factor) through educating people around PTSD and traumatic stress. When we understand that drama is trauma; when we respond to suffering with nurturance instead of blame; when we demand that our leaders do the same, this world becomes a sweeter, more livable place to be.

My commitment in 2016 is to blog twice/month on various topics that are near and dear to the hearts of those who suffer PTSD or who live close to those that do. Dear readers, please let me know what topics burn for you. What is it that you need to know this year in order to finally heal, or to get the ball rolling in tackling your traumas?

In addition, I will be offering a record number of classes in healing trauma, including a weekend workshop format in April to accommodate people who live out of the Portland metro area. I will continue to grow my Reiki classes so that this powerful healing modality may spread. Look for my first ever Reiki retreat in September!

To you, dear reader, I encourage you to keep your faith in healing. You CAN heal fully from PTSD and live a joyful, fulfilling life. I believe in you.

Abundant Peace and Blessings, Sue



Reiki and PTSD

Posted on: by Susan

I have been told by many people over many years including intuitive clients that I should be using my hands in my healing work. Up until this past year I politely and firmly declined. Therapists consider touch to be taboo and risky. Most agencies make it clear that touch is not to happen between client and therapist – ever.

What happened to change my mind was Reiki. I started to do some research and found that many therapists (as well as nurses and doctors) across the United States use Reiki in their practice, including in the hallowed hospitals of the Harvard Medical system. Over 800 hospitals use Reiki, and it is an evidence-based practice for stress and chronic pain, two symptoms clearly related to PTSD.

As it turns out, one does not need to even touch a client in order to provide Reiki healing energy in a session. So last April I received my Reiki I and II attunements and started offering Reiki to my clients.

The results were astonishing:

– I’ve had several clients report a full night’s sleep after several months or years of sleep disruption, a common side effect of PTSD

– Clients are able to release emotions and cry on the treatment table in a way they usually do not in session. The beauty of Reiki is that they may not know why they are crying; they don’t have to have a reason or specific memory, but they always feel better afterwards and move forward in resolving previous traumas.

– Many report a feeling of a loving, warm and compassionate energy that they have not felt before or in a very long time.

– People report improved digestion and bowel function. On the table I hear people’s gut making bowel sounds, a sign of parasympathetic function being restored to the autonomic nervous system.

– Although I talk about grounding in sessions as do many trauma therapists I have found that Reiki helps clients inhabit their body more fully, and they can really notice the lack of grounding or energy in their lower body. This improves greatly over 2-3 sessions and instigates a firmer resolve to practice grounding exercises such as walking barefoot outside.

– Clients become deeply relaxed and often report the deepest states of peace in their body than they have felt in many months or weeks. Too often therapy is a very stressful experience; Reiki provides a corrective emotional experience for treatment!

– Sometimes people experience physical symptoms resolving. One patient who’d had a persistent red rash for many days reported the rash clearing up within hours of the session. Another experienced her feet becoming stronger and less prone to injury.

Often there is validation between what I as the Reiki practitioner am feeling and what the client is feeling in their body. I had one client that when I held my hands in the position around her face and temple I felt intense heat between the jaw and temple, almost as if my hands were held up next to a flame. My client felt this heat as well, and became very emotional. Later she connected that very spot to where she received electroshock therapy years before which, for her, was both validating and healing.

Although I had the intention that I would probably not touch my therapy clients, I found that people were more offended if I would not touch them. So now before sessions I get their permission and usually only touch around the head, neck and lower legs.

This past December I went back to become a Reiki Master, and have signed up for my next level of training in August. I hope very soon to be offering Reiki attunements, trainings and certifications for therapists. Stay tuned!

If you have received Reiki, I would love to hear about your experiences in the comments section!



Don’t Let Anyone Tell You That PTSD is Permanent

Posted on: by Susan

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I hear from a lot of clients and friends that they have been told by their therapists that they have to learn to live with PTSD.  “Walk beside it like a friend” is how one therapist put it.

 PTSD is not your friend.  You do not want its companionship for life.

 In the yogic model of the human being, there are multiple layers. We have a physical body, an energetic body made of prana or qi/ki, two layers of mind: one cognitive and one intuitive and a bliss body.  We cannot hope to heal PTSD unless we understand this important concept:

 All layers of our being are wounded by the injuries and abuse that result in PTSD.  PTSD is the manifestation of those wounds.

 In the Western model of medicine we treat only two of the five layers.  We treat the body and we treat the cognitive mind.  In other words we address less than half of the system that has been injured.  In many cases we don’t even treat both.

 Usually people with mental disorders are remanded to some variety of psychiatric care with little attention paid to the rest of the body.  Or the reverse. If the person expresses symptoms mostly through the body, it can take years for a physician to ask simple questions about a history of trauma. 

 Most therapists and counselors pay little to no attention to anything but the latest “evidence-based” treatment, even though “evidence-based” most often means showing an effect for only 3-6 months.  Mental health treatment has become highly politicized and regulated, and essentially a casualty of the free market capitalist system here in the USA. 

 But I digress.

 As a therapist and a survivor, I am here to tell you that  you can heal fully from PTSD. In order to do this you will have to assemble your own treatment team and techniques to heal each of the layers of your being that were injured by trauma. That is essentially the thesis of my book, The Trauma Tool Kit: Healing PTSD From the Inside Out.

 Please don’t give up.  There is an end to suffering.  The “peace that passeth all understanding” is real.  It may take a while, years perhaps, but life these days is long. Keep going. You can heal fully from PTSD. 





Lessons From Shannon

Posted on: by Susan

          This summer I lost my friend, teacher and mentor, Shannon Kelly.  Many who knew him called him Shannon the Shaman.  But Shannon was many things.  He identified as a “Bubba”, a regular guy who grew up in the South hunting, drinking and loving the outdoors.  As a single father to three children, he was deeply committed to parenting as best he could. For me, he was one of the best therapists and supervisors I had the pleasure to work with (he was the first therapist in Portland I met who knew what reaction formation was, and he was an accomplished Ericksonian therapist).  Prior to his “coming out” as shaman, he worked 25 years as a mental health professional.

          Our first session together was bodywork, held up in the tiny little room down the hall from his kids’ bedrooms (to make ends meet he always worked in his house those first years).  Bodywork from a therapist?  Actually, he had dropped the mantle of therapist long before, but not the knowledge, as his work expanded into broader and deeper realms. He had fully embraced the knowledge of himself as shaman after calling a Northwest Native American tribe. The woman who had answered the phone had not picked up a phone in ten years. She was the medicine woman and he asked to meet with her.  Fresh from the Southwest, guided to work in the Northwest and pursue shamanism by a vision of red-tailed hawks, Shannon asked her who the best teacher for him might be.  As the story goes, she laughed and laughed and then told him to look in the mirror.

          As I was lying on the table, feeling his large hands elongate into even larger hairy bear claws (yes, he validated chuckling, bear medicine was his main access) I had a very strange sensation.

          Shannon, I’m feeling weird.  I feel all this sadness leaving my body, but somehow it doesn’t feel connected to me.

          That’s because it’s not yours.

Lesson #1:  Many of the emotions we carry around with us aren’t even ours.

           Wow.  That first session was a mind blower. I had been told before that I tend to carry other people’s “stuff” around with me, but until I could actually feel it leaving I really didn’t understand the power and detriment of it.  At that point I had been in human services for over 20 years, not to mention my own family’s “stuff” so there was a lot to let go of.  I felt immediately lighter after that and subsequent sessions, and the feelings of release persisted.  Once we feel what is not ours and let go of it, it becomes easier to stay clear and to know and work with what is really our stuff and what isn’t.

            During that first bodywork session I started feeling light and fluttery like I would just float away off the table. This was a familiar feeling, but because Shannon’s energy was so powerful, it became even more pronounced.  I had started to feel a familiar dizziness when Shannon placed large river rocks under my hands and feet.  The feelings immediately subsided and I felt a really wonderful sense of being calmly present throughout the rest of my session.  I loved the sensation of solid rock underneath me and began to breathe more deeply as I relaxed.

Lesson #2:  Get and stay grounded

            My gymnastics teacher in middle school used to call me Pixie Fairy because I ran on my toes, and no matter what she said, she just couldn’t get me to muster a proper run to the vault.  Maybe it’s a result of some of my earlier trauma, maybe it’s my celtic fairy blood, maybe it’s all the air signs in my astrological chart, but for whatever reason being grounded was always tremendously challenging for me, when I even knew what that meant!  As I have said in my book, The Trauma Tool Kit: Healing PTSD From the Inside Out, being ungrounded is necessary at times for visionaries, high creative and healers, but we cannot live there.  If we are not grounded we are not in touch with our bodies, our emotions and our earthly selves. As long as we are living on Earth, we need a grounded, functioning ego.  We need to fully inhabit our body and all of our senses.  When we don’t, anxiety fills up the void.

Shannon was very insistent on this point and wasn’t afraid to use tools like big honkin’ river rocks to get me there.

            I had been taught by earlier therapists and supervisors to talk about anything and everything that came into my head.  This technique came directly from Freud, who discovered the say anything approach of free association was a “royal road” to unconsciously repressed material in the psyche that caused neurosis and mood disorders. So, of course, I wanted to excitedly process all my experiences and thoughts.  Shannon listened patiently for a while, and then in a booming mountain man voice said, GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

Lesson #3:  Your thoughts aren’t as important as you think they are, and they may not even be your thoughts.

          Shannon explained. We cannot solve our feelings at the level of our thoughts, and our thoughts distract us and get in the way of getting grounded and releasing.  This can result in headaches, malaise, exhaustion and anxiety.  If this pattern persists, it can lead to profound depression.

            It turns out that he was exactly right from a neuroscience perspective.  The cortex, the thinking part of the brain that is all wrinkly and sits on top, has only a few pathways that work themselves down deeper into the emotional brain, the mammalian part called the limbic brain.  The limbic brain, on the other hand, has a bazillion ways to communicate its urgent messages to the cortex.  This arrangement helps the organism to survive in the environment. For example, if you see a rattlesnake moving towards you on the path do you debate what kind it is, or just jump out of the way with your heart beating hard? I rest my case. (There may be those genetic anomalies that would debate the snake, but they may not survive to have offspring.)

            This is why we cannot talk nor affirm ourselves out of our feelings.  You can try and try to think of reasons to be happy when you are sad, but does it really work? If it works at all, it only works for a brief period of time.  Until the fundamental conflict that is affecting the limbic brain is resolved or released, there will be no peace in our thoughts. The limbic brain is hardwired to the senses and body.  Even our sense of smell, our olfactory bulb, is actually part of the limbic brain!

            Unless thoughts and words are grounded in the reality of the body and awareness through all the senses, we are just spinning out meaningless stories that can distract us from the work at hand.  Actually, I realized later, I was trained to look for overthinking as a therapist.  In psychodynamic therapy this phenomenon is called “intellectualizing” and it is classified as an ego defense that affects those who like to experience the world through thoughts and the intellect.

            But the important thing I gradually came to understand was that, just as many of the feelings in my body weren’t actually mine, neither were the thoughts.

~ to be continued

 



The Root of Violence: Solutions for a Beleaguered World

Posted on: by Susan

 

 

When I was in high school and the world’s population was at about 4 billion, I saw a video about an experiment in rat overcrowding. The researchers showed very clearly that up until a certain population the rats were civil, harmonious and happy. When they became overcrowded, the rats turned on each other and a cycle of violence began. I remembered wondering where that tipping point was for humanity.

Today the world’s population stands at about 7 billion, ready to top 8 billion in the next decade. I cannot help but wonder if the world is getting too crowded to maintain civil societies. At least in the old models.

Fortunately, we are not rats. We are human beings with a plethora of ingenious human tools at our disposal, the foremost being a thinking, self-reflective brain. We can not only reshape our environment, we can also reshape our bodies, personalities and even our own brains.

Clearly, it is time to evolve.

What would it take to stop the violence?

Currently it is popular to blame religion for violence. But I don’t buy it. Historically, nationalism was blamed for wars. But we didn’t abolish nations, nor could we. Anymore than we can abolish religion. The search for God and religion seems to be hardwired into the very fabric of humanity. And that’s potentially a good thing. Innumerable hospitals, orphanages, and other charitable endeavors have been supported by large religious bodies.

Look, I’m a therapist. I’ve spent a lifetime peering into the hidden mechanisms of human consciousness. I’ve worked with victims and perpetrators of violence, religious, atheist, you name it.

And the root of violence is pretty simple. The recipe is this: take a human ego, prone to intense biological impulses like sex and aggression, add a dose of rejection, violence, or trauma and withhold empathy, attachment and kindness. Don’t forget to add the testosterone, or all that violence will turn inwards. This is the basic formula; there are of course endless ways to “spice” things up. Anything that disinhibits a human helps: drugs, a charismatic leader, any kind of reward real or imagined, spiritual or material. You get the picture.

When the world becomes an overall less kinder place to be, when governments exist to punish and control rather than support, when adults are too busy trying to survive than to connect, when children are subjected to all manner of abuse growing up, when basic needs are withheld (food, shelter, education), then we can be sure the rise of violence is around the corner.
My little piece of contribution centers around psychological trauma. Like the tipping point for rat populations, I believe that there is a tipping point for the number of citizens with untreated abuse and trauma issues that starts to unravel societies and the fabric of civilization gets weak, gauzy and prone to tears.

That is why I wrote The Trauma Tool Kit: Healing PTSD From the Inside Out. But one book is not enough to stem the tide.

If we want to turn this around we need the biggest investment in our humanity the world has ever seen.

Our healthcare system is broke.
Out educational system is broke.
Our national aggression is disproportionately funded.
PTSD is a national (and global) epidemic.
Our TV and media is a wasteland of violence, sex and empty, puerile stories aimed at the basest nature of humans.
Adults can’t find meaningful work or time to connect.
Children can’t get their emotional needs met so they are turning to early sex, drugs, computers and violent videogames.

Like the global climate crisis we are in, we are in a crisis of our own humanity.

We need to ask ourselves: what does it mean to be human? Are we living lifestyles that are in alignment with our values and ideals, or have we given up?

The answers are simple. Accomplishing them requires insight, wisdom and the will of the people.

1) Convert from a permanent wartime economy to a peace economy. Stop trying to control the world and get back to taking care of American citizens.
2) Reinstate the important status of mothers in the world by funding them to stay home with their children as needed. Working mothers is a redundant, and obnoxious term. We need to recognize that all mothers are, by definition, working.
3) Stop projecting our own internal demons onto other groups: immigrants, “terrorists”, “dirty hippies”, whatever. And affirm the dignity of all human beings, the vast majority of whom merely seek to be happy.
4) Reign in the vast greed industries and interests in Washington.
5) Recognize that only people are people. Corporations are sociopathic entities.
6) Fund a single payer healthcare system and come into the 21st century.
7) Throw out the educational dictates of the last 20 years and create sound educational ideas that really engage students and teachers in learning in the new millennium.
8) Turn off your TV. Or at least have enforced rules about usage .
9) Heal your traumas. Help yourself.
10) Recognize that your children, friends and neighbors may be struggling quietly and desperately in need of help. Help them.
11) Spend more time with your kids. Quality is not enough. Quantity is also required for healthy kids. Don’t let computers and TV parent.
12) Create community events for connection. Host a potluck once/month. Get involved. Talk to your neighbors. Get over your fear of the ‘other’.
13) MEDITATE. Rats can’t meditate, we can. If we all just calmed down and healed our own brains, it would be enough.

OK, then. We do have choices. It’s either us or no one. We can cower in fear waiting for the next attack, the next screw gone loose, or we can start changing our communities here and now.

I vote for now. I’ll go meditate on it, and then I will act.



The Power of Persistence (or What you Resist, Persists)

Posted on: by Susan

I don’t know how to say this to you any other way so I’m just going to say it:  There is no easy way to heal from psychological trauma.

There is no pill, no elixir, no magic wand, no therapist, no book, no workshop, no yoga class, no blogger that will give you a quick fix from your suffering.  I’m sorry; I truly am.

If you want to heal from PTSD you are going to have to work very hard for a long time. You are going to have to spend money (probably a lot of money relative to your income) to get help to overcome what you feel should have never happened to you. And then you will have to work some more.

In my book I compare the journey of healing PTSD to the journey that Frodo takes in The Lord of the Rings trilogy to cast the evil, all powerful ring back into it’s source: a dangerous volcano hidden inside of an even more dangerous enemy territory governed by an all seeing magical evil sorcerer.  Frodo has two choices.  He can either stay in his comfort zone in the bucolic shire of his childhood and live in denial until his land is ultimately overrun with evil mutant elves and destroyed while the ring has corrupted him (or someone else) completely.  Or, he can man up and take the journey, one that is most perilous and with no guarantee of success and try to destroy the thing forever.

This is basically our choice as well. Is the journey so easy? If it were, everyone would make it.

Yes, I know it sucks.  But suck it up folks. That is the way it is.  I can only say this to you, not because I am cruel and heartless, but because this is a journey that I’ve taken.  I’ve done the dirt time, so to speak, in spades.

It is totally worth it.  The sooner you get over resistance to healing and begin, the better.  Healing PTSD takes a chunk of your life.  Not healing from PTSD takes your entire life (and possibly future lifetimes if you believe in that sort of thing).

Take a moment and review the pros and cons of healing:

 Pros                                                                 Cons

 Peace of mind                                                  Nightmares and flashbacks for the rest of your life, chronic anxiety

 

 The ability to love and be loved                  Failed relationships; people who are afraid of you; persistent loneliness

 

 Bodily health                                                  Heart disease, migraines, joint pain, digestive issues, diseases

 

 Wisdom                                                           Ignorance, bitterness, confusion

 

 Compassion for self and others                   Self-pity, entitlement, self-loathing, shame

 

 Money well spent in healing                        Money ill spent in addictions, diversions and distractions

 

Well, you get the picture. 

 So which will it be?  Healing PTSD does have an endpoint.  It brings gifts beyond compare but only if you finish the job.  You have no more time to lose. Put this at the top of your New Year’s Resolutions and you will ring in a much brighter 2014.

Blessings on your journey of healing!

 

Endurance is the most difficult of all the disciplines but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes. ~ Buddha

 

 

 

 

 



Help! My Partner Has PTSD: Seven Strategies for Coping as a Couple

Posted on: by Susan

If you are partnered with someone who is struggling with PTSD or you both have PTSD, you know your life together is challenged in some very profound ways. Fights can be explosive, resulting in fireworks or endless stony silences. Misunderstandings can abound. The non-PTSD partner may start to develop secondary or vicarious trauma just being exposed to the intense PTSD in their loved one. Life can start to feel very unpredictable, like threading one’s way through a minefield. It can be easy to start walking on eggshells or conversely getting fed up and moving away from each other. Love and connection are harder to feel. PTSD challenges couples like nothing else. Waiting it out doesn’t work and neither do threats or force. What to do?

1) Educate yourself. PTSD is a whole body process that affects every aspect of the human being. It has predictable stages (see my book, The Trauma Tool Kit) and effects on the person and the partnership. You would educate yourself if your partner had a major medical illness, right? This is no different. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

2) Set some clear boundaries around behavior in the relationship. Just because someone is suffering does not give them the right to be abusive. The anger/fear response is hardwired and amped up in full-blown PTSD. Often people with PTSD dissociate when they are angry and don’t even realize what they are doing. Sit down with your partner, ahead of time, and set rules for what is tolerable and allowed in the relationship and what is not. These can change over time depending on where each of you and your life circumstance. For instance, shouting might be OK if it is just the two of you, but if you have a child in the next room, shouting can become off-limits behavior. Violence or abusive behavior is never to be tolerated under any circumstances.

3) Learn to take time-outs, or, as we call them around here, amygdala resets. Your amygdala is the part of your brain that is the crisis response center. When it goes on red alert it highjacks the brain to deal with threats, whether real or perceived. With the amygdala in the red zone, people are very close to being out of control or they are out of control. Taking 20 minutes, the average reset time, to reboot the brain for both parties, will lend itself to a more peaceful and safe outcome. Either partner should be able to call time-out at any time. Be sure to make it a time out not an end to the discussion. Always come back together to resolve the issue at hand. If it is just too explosive get into couple’s therapy. Which reminds me…

4) Get into couple’s therapy! More research is showing that couple’s treatment can be very helpful in coping with PTSD. Individual therapy is great, but couple’s issues are complex and require their own special interventions. Not all therapists like to do or can do couples’ work well. Look for someone with previous education and training or with a degree in family work, who also is knowledgeable about trauma. Even a few sessions can make a tremendous difference. If you are worried about money (and who isn’t these days) know that there are many organizations that provide these services for low and no cost. If you are a veteran or married to one, you may be even more eligible. If money is still on your mind, remind yourself of how expensive divorces are, as long as you both shall live.

5) Study triggers together. Big rages and emotional swings are almost always brought on by triggers to PTSD. A trigger can be anything at all. I worked with a couple whose partner was an Iraq war veteran. He became severely triggered one afternoon by three events happening in close succession: he saw someone in the parking lot of the restaurant with camouflage clothing; he got a freeze headache, and he got closed in when more people joined his table. The clothing and feeling of being trapped are obvious triggers, the freeze headaches not so much. But it turned out he’d had a number of them in the desert, and it had become a trigger. The more triggers you figure out together, in the calm times, the easier it becomes to avoid setting the PTSD partner off, or resolving it more quickly if you do. This is an empowering step that often brings couples closer together. In this case, the couple avoided, what would have been in the past an angry meltdown on his part. His partner then could respond with concern and compassion.

6) Make healing PTSD a joint task in your relationship. Strategize together. Discuss medical options. Open up lines of trust and communication. Often a spouse or partner is the only person to tell one’s story to with complete safety and trust. Don’t avoid the issues just because your partner wants to. Avoidance is part of the disease of PTSD. Don’t collude with it.

7) Join together in mental and physical fitness. Develop couple’s routines around calming down the mind and body on a daily basis. This could be through prayer, meditation, tai chi, yoga, or long walks. The evidence is pouring in daily about the beneficial effects of calming techniques on PTSD. You will both be better for it!



The Semantics of Rape

Posted on: by Susan

Here is the definition of rape from the New Oxford American Dictionary:

Noun: the crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him without their consent and against their will, esp. by the threat or use of violence against them: he denied two charges of attempted rape | he had committed at least two rapes.

Verb: (if a man) to force another person to have sexual intercourse with him without their consent and against their will, esp. by the threat or use of violence against them: the woman was raped at knifepoint.

Notice how that word “force” is used in both definitions of the word rape? Paul Ryan and those who wrote legislation with him apparently didn’t and somehow felt that they needed to redundantly modify rape with the word “forcible”. This is both insensitive and stupid.

Have you heard how water is powerfully wet? Or that mud is dirty? How about fatal murder or hot arson? You get my point. Aside from being poor English, this kind of language seeks to diminish women’s (and men’s) experience that rape is a form of violence that causes intense suffering over a long period of time. It suggests that there is a kindler, gentler rape that is somehow not forcible, perhaps even enjoyable as one Texan Republican gubernatorial nominee recently suggested.

By using the inflammatory words “legitimate rape” Republican nominee Todd Akin and others suggested to the American public that there is a form of rape that is OK. This is a powerful form of double speak, a sophisticated hypnotic suggestion to the audience that both suggests that rapes could maybe be OK in some circumstances while holding women responsible for proving the severity of rape to begin with and making them doubt themselves with the ridiculous suggestion that if they become pregnant it wasn’t a “real” rape.

In reality, rape is a terrible thing to come to terms with. The mind naturally wants to deny that it even happened. As I say in The Trauma Tool Kit: “the mind swerves away from trauma like a car careening around a deep, dark puddle…avoidance is nobody’s fault but is the very nature of trauma itself.” 

Either through deep cynicism or ignorance those who minimize rape (for some reason they are mostly male Republican candidates for office) are siding with the part of the brain that does not want to acknowledge the severity of this trauma. They want to keep the public in denial. Some want to legitimize their own or others’ bad behavior.

This is extreme dysfunction, folks. In order to heal society we need to call out every type of trauma for healing and expose it to the healthy light of day, not shove it back in the closet where it festers and stinks up the place. Every victim needs to be acknowledged and given access to healing. Every perpetrator needs to be brought to justice. If our candidates cannot speak truth and bring healing, then they do not deserve to hold a microphone, much less hold office.







The Trauma Tool Kit Has Arrived! *GIVEAWAY*

Posted on: by Susan

Hi all,

I’m happy to tell you that The Trauma Toolkit: Healing PTSD From the Inside Out is now in bookstores across the United States and is shipping from online booksellers. I had the privilege of finally holding my own copy this week. In celebration I am giving away three copies to the first three readers who link to this blog and comment below. Please be sure to send me your address privately if you see your name in the first three comments! Here’s to healing from traumatic stress! Blessings, Sue



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